Teenage Son, Porn, University And Relationships

[AutumnRose]

I'm a single/divorced mother raising a 16 year old son. He has been watching adult content on the computer and downloading a bunch of it. Personally I don't have a problem with it as long as people don't try comparing to real life like looking at women as objects or getting their sex education from fantasies. He's a very smart and curious kid so he always learns a lot about these well anything that interests him. In fact he skipped 2 grades and is very active athletically despite being so bright. He's the only good thing from my marriage.

Anyways I don't think that's an issue with my son since he is a very respectful person and probably know more about sexual health and how the body works then most adults. He even took out a bunch of sex ed books (some which were very graphic) from the library when he started puberty and took pretty extensive notes. (I'm a little nosy)

Anyways I don't have a problem personally but I'm worried if it's a bad idea at his age no matter how mature and bright he may be. On the other hand he's started taking university classes this spring so everyone he's around are adults. He also has a girlfriend a year older then him and I'm concerned that it might hurt their relationship or result in them having sex.

I'm not really sure what to do since physically and mentally he's an adult but 16 years old. What do you think I should?

[curiousSK]

he's 16, he's no longer really a child - 16 is the legal age for sex here, and if he and his partner want to have sex they probably will (if they haven't already). It's all part of him growing up.

[Incubo]

It may be just me here, but I'm not really understanding what you're asking.

Is the problem that he's looking at porn or are you afraid he's going to have sex with his girlfriend?

If it's the porn you're worried about, don't. Men are very visually oriented and for a teen age boy, hormones are raging around in there. At his age, it's all very "new" and exciting to look at. As long as he's not becoming obsessed with it, it's probably not a problem. Some people do develop an addiction to it though, so you might keep an eye out for that. Though again, at his age, I'd say it'd be difficult to tell if he's addicted to it or just fascinated by it.

If it's having sex with his girlfriend that's got you worried...honestly, not a whole hell of a lot you can really do about it other than make sure he knows what he's getting into. If he's as smart as you say, then I'm sure he's aware of the risks, but he may not be thinking of the long term considerations/possibilities. STD's and unplanned children don't exactly go away in a few days. They're long term considerations that can drastically change your life. You may talk to him and make sure he understands that, but aside from locking him up in a room somewhere, you really can't stop him. Eventually it's going to come down to his choice. As long as you make sure he's aware of the risks and that he's prepared to deal with them, there's little more you can really do about it.

[SexualChoc]

first, I point again at the age posted
can you edit your posts to say "teenage" son perhaps?

next I am wondering what you hoping to accomplish posting that question on this site
this is an adult related site
where pornography is... very encouraged.

so I am going to address the "unreal" factor
often lighting, editing, even flesh colored enhancements are done
Cuts are made, so the guy in the film lasts longer
in other words
Porn movies often have a decent to very high level of "not real"


Next what are your expectations?
morals?
Who are we to judge what your moral guideline is?
frankly I wonder why your posting that question here...

I suggest
(1) a good talk with your kid about what expect from him
(2) you may want professional family counselling, if you have trouble expressing your morals to him


there are numerous porn filters, ways to restrict access in your home
but often all this means is the kid is going to someone else's home
and then things get really weird.

So a Talk
what do you expect?
Why are you concerned?
what you hope for him..

[Sexytimes 5]

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[les]

As a single parent of girls and a boy all passing through puberty

I let them find their feet, with encouragement not draconian rules
if you try and smother or deny then they go and play elsewhere.

So they were welcome to bring friends home to the privacy of their room but not to to make it "Party House" limited to a max of three friends except under prearranged circumstances.
The result is all my children are in work or higher education and all are in stable long term, relationships.

I hope things happen as happily as you wish and not as you desperately fear.

Bestest of Best Wishes

[Banquo]

first, I point again at the age posted
can you edit your posts to say "teenage" son perhaps?

Choc I mean no offence, but your rampant view on the whole under age thing is becoming just a little tiresome. Not every region or country has the same laws as where you live. In many countries the age of consent is 16. Simply asking for advice about it should not cause any alarm or issue for anyone.

I can see that the OP is simply asking for advice about her son. Now on that point...

Your son is likely going to seek out porn etc. whether you approve or not. He is going to be curious about it, he is maturing and he will likely eventually explore things with his gf. As long as they are being safe and know about protection etc. I would leave them to it.

[shell]

EDIT: I removed my post...and will be sending it privately...just don't want the hassel of bullshit, by posting ages and stuff....

[janmb]

I'm not really sure what to do since physically and mentally he's an adult but 16 years old. What do you think I should?

First off: I think the thoughts and values you yourself represent in your post are absolutely great! This is the attitude any good parent should have: Educate and guide kids, never ban and alienate things.

Now, the only aspect I'm not sure was clear from your post was whether you talk to him about this at all... Does he know you know? If you have concerns as to what he takes away from watching porn in terms of sexual values and how he translates it into his own sex live, the one thing you definitely need to do if you haven't already is talk to him about it and educate him on what porn is and what it isn't.

Also, far too often people like to think (or rather they don't think) that nothing can be learned from porn. Not all porn degrade females or turn them into objects. And a lot of porn, particularly more kinky stuff, can be a great source for inspiration and ideas. To be carefully filtered and consciously translated into one's own life of course. Not everything is for everybody. But I can definitely say I have had many great experiences myself which would never have happened if I hadn't picket up ideas from porn. Both in terms of my own pleasure, but even more importantly in terms of giving pleasure to her.

Don't worry about his age. The laws of many countries lets us believe sex in any shape of form below age of 18 is something outrageous and despicable. Well, those are the laws made people politicians and have little to do with human needs and maturation. While I obviously would never encourage anyone to violate laws, lets review this outside that context and consider human physicality for a moment... Most go through puberty age 10-13 somewhere, and after that are complete adults in terms of sexual readiness so to speak. There's a reason for that. Through thousands and thousands of years of evolution, that is the part of our life where it has been most sensible to become reproductive.

In short: Your son sounds like a perfectly normal, healthy young adult. And you sound like a great mother. As the aussies would put it: No worries

[janmb]

first, I point again at the age posted
can you edit your posts to say "teenage" son perhaps?

Please choc, can you stop policing every discussion touching these topics? I respect you greatly as a great user and contributor on this site, but this oversensitivity to this particular topic is getting tiresome - especially after seraph have correct your stance on this (or the lay of the land in general at least) several times now.

There's nothing in her post that is even remotely problematic to discuss. Not based on my own opinion, but based on direct experience from similar discussions in the past. This has nothing what so ever to do with underage sex, law violations or site rule violations what so ever.

As for her reasons for posting here... Well as you say, this is a site where most people are very pro porn, but also this is a site where people are very experienced with it from all angles and aspects as well - giving this community possibly more basis for an opinion on how porn translates into real life than any other community anywhere. We may not be the right people to ask if porn is good or bad. But we're damn well the best people to ask when it comes to how/what when it comes to porn

[janmb]

16 years old is considered a minor! He cannot legally view porn almost anywhere.

Where do you get that idea from?

While I'm sure there may be a few exceptions, it is perfectly legal for a 16 year old to watch porn in pretty much every European country you care to mention. Because in most countries the age limit for porn is the same as the age of consent - which to me makes perfect sense as well.

And beyond the matter of legality, which is worse parenting: Making a guaranteed futile attempt of discouragement and control (alienating the topic and ensure he gets none of the guidance he needs) OR acknowledge the impossibility of controlling this matter and instead going with the flow and trying to insert that sorely needed guidance?

[janmb]

EDIT: I removed my post...and will be sending it privately...just don't want the hassel of bullshit, by posting ages and stuff....

Perfectly understandable, given how much people get their panties in a bunch over these issues (in several cases quite literally too I suspect lol)

Seriously, I fail to see the reason people are so uptight to even talk about this at all. Until seraph directly says otherwise or points at anything in my post he finds not to his liking, I for one am not going to go private with these topics - because there should be no reason to.

If the 16 year old (hey! I said 16! woot!) were to appear here on this site in person, now THAT would be a different matter entirely since it would break site rules, but apart from that there is, again, not one bit of rule breaking in this thread yet - as far as I can tell anyway

[AutumnRose]

Thank you for all the responses. especially to Shell and Janmb

[Sexytimes 5]

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[Evals]

I get my ideas from the laws protecting kids in the U.S. they are obviously really strict compared to Europe. I live in the U.S. I'm pretty surprised that adulthood is considered 16 in Europe. The culture is obviously a lot different there. I know you have to be 18 to legaly purchase and view porn here. Do your governments let 16 year olds star in porn movies over there since they are of legal age? To me, 16 year olds are still kids. Not like there is a cop waiting to bust your 16 year old on every street corner with a playboy magazine or anything but they are considered underage.

To put global age of consent in perspective, take a look at this graphic to get a more visual representation of Europe and the rest of the world. A legend at the bottom explains the colors - it's noteworthy that Europe is almost entirely blue, ie 13-16 years old. Age of consent varies greatly in the United States depending which state you're in. In many states it is simply sixteen with no close-age restrictions. The no-minors-in-pornagraphy, aka >=18 yr/old is a federal law.