Right in the end, when you choose whose slave to be, when you answer questions to Hailey, one of the answers is Yes Mistress. It should be Yes Miss.
Also I think it would me a nice addition, if you could add a page, if you choose to be Hailey's slave, where Xue reminds you that you owe her a session where she dominates you both.
P.S. I now just have to play the Loyalist End and will be done. Except:
killer1243 wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2017 1:01 pm
Also there are are a few (about 5 so far) errors in the dialogues that I forgot to report. Stuff like a missed word or something like that. So, if you have a way to extract the text only and run it trough a grammar check you would probably find them.
P.S. I have still not played the finale. I will do that later today.
I did not realise how many grammatical errors I had made, so many... The external tool helps with spell checking but I cannot believe how bad I was! New version should be better. I didn't see many missing words though, just ones with incorrect spelling.
killer1243 wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2017 2:27 pm
Another issue?
When the Goddess asks you if you think a butt plug would help, it doesn't matter what you answer. It goes to the same page, which appears to be meant for Yes.
They linked to different pages...but for whatever reasons to the two pages were the same. Added a difference now.
killer1243 wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2017 3:19 pm
And another minor thing:
Right in the end, when you choose whose slave to be, when you answer questions to Hailey, one of the answers is Yes Mistress. It should be Yes Miss.
Also I think it would me a nice addition, if you could add a page, if you choose to be Hailey's slave, where Xue reminds you that you owe her a session where she dominates you both.
P.S. I now just have to play the Loyalist End and will be done. Except:
If you choose to talk to Xue she does remind you, so I'm content with that acting as the reminder for now don't you think? I kind of like your choice ending you with who you choose rather than Xue. And ending 0 is on the first day
In the finale, if you have recruited 1-3 others, after the 40 second edge, the Goddess says "As amusing it would be..."
there needs to be an "as" in there. Also later, when you're with Caprice, it says "page" instead of "cage".
If you have recruited 1-3, what happens after the 40 sec edge doesn't really make sense. A lot of it is written vaguely. I suggest you read trough it again, to check if everything is okay. For example it says "Caprice eyes light up at that. She won't have known that the Goddess knew." which doesn't make sense in this ending.
Why does the Goddess act differently after the 40 sec edge. If you have convinced all 4 she tells you to edge again and asks you if you are ready (though your answer doesn't matter). If you are not apart of Caprices plan (55) she just tells you to lock up your cock after the 40 sec edge.
I am not sure who it was with. Either Serina or Xue, but in one of those "you have to press the button when I say so"
sections, the time is showing the actual time remaining (instead of a question mark), which just breaks the whole idea of waiting carefully.
P.S. I remembered I had missed this path (failing to convince all 4 girls), so I first did it. Now I will do the path where you work for the Goddess.
Last edited by killer1243 on Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
In the loyalist ending, if you have found all 4 numbers, after the 40 sec edge - there is a spelling error - oyu instead of you. Also later when you are edging it shows the censored image, but it is supposed to be not censored.
I think I am done.
Last edited by killer1243 on Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I was just looking trough "Chastity for the Goddess" and found a small mistake. With Hailey near the beginning she says "Imagine how if I let you...". There should be a "it would feel" in there. And the a bit after that it says "withone' as one word. I suggest you use that grammar/'spell checker on the previous teases and update them.
THIS WAS BRILLIANT! Never felt so immersed since Deckers Month with Jana.
One of the best series on the site! (It helped that I liked all the models, some are my all time favourites).
@Killer
Thanks for your testing :D After seeing my errors on rebellion I think I will have to go back to some of my old teases and give them a once over, aye.
In the finale, if you have recruited 1-3 others, after the 40 second edge, the Goddess says "As amusing it would be..."
there needs to be an "as" in there. Also later, when you're with Caprice, it says "page" instead of "cage".
If you have recruited 1-3, what happens after the 40 sec edge doesn't really make sense. A lot of it is written vaguely. I suggest you read trough it again, to check if everything is okay. For example it says "Caprice eyes light up at that. She won't have known that the Goddess knew." which doesn't make sense in this ending.
If I recall correctly that comment was aimed at the fact that the Goddess knows that you have ruined yourself, and the Goddess shouldn't know that in Caprices eyes. But Ill give it a check.
Why does the Goddess act differently after the 40 sec edge. If you have convinced all 4 she tells you to edge again and asks you if you are ready (though your answer doesn't matter). If you are not apart of Caprices plan (55) she just tells you to lock up your cock after the 40 sec edge.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean here, this is the point that the two paths split apart, so she makes you do different things? Or do I miss something, I think I just did that to give her time to check the door.
And I just remembered:
I am not sure who it was with. Either Serina or Xue, but in one of those "you have to press the button when I say so"
sections, the time is showing the actual time remaining (instead of a question mark), which just breaks the whole idea of waiting carefully.
Oversight I'll try and find, thanks
P.S. I remembered I had missed this path (failing to convince all 4 girls), so I first did it. Now I will do the path where you work for the Goddess.
In the loyalist ending, if you have found all 4 numbers, after the 40 sec edge - there is a spelling error - oyu instead of you. Also later when you are edging it shows the censored image, but it is supposed to be not censored.
I think I am done.
The oyu should be fixed now with my latest update I think, but I'll check the censor.
@Max
Thanks for your kind words, glad I gave ya a good experience!
Also side note -
Like how has my tease got over 40000 views in 4 days, that is like actually insane, because it has already overtaken the prequel to it which has been out for months... Seriously I want to know!
In the path that leads to ending 6B, the Goddess doesn't know that Caprice ruined you. She also doesn't say anything which indicates that she knows. I think "Caprice eyes light up at that. She won't have known that the Goddess knew." is only meant for 6A (where the Goddess does know) and you accidentally put it in 6B too.
mr-max wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2017 9:31 pm
THIS WAS BRILLIANT! Never felt so immersed since Deckers Month with Jana.
One of the best series on the site! (It helped that I liked all the models, some are my all time favourites).
Looking forward to any new tease you build! ;)
THANK YOU
I Totally agree with this comment...... I just finished the second webtease and all I can say is WOW.....never know what to expect. I got into the story big time. Probably the best series I 've done in the years I've been around.
Great Job Shattered, your series got me hooked and I am looking forward to what each "session" will bring me, even the waiting days between each of them is a tease by itself (yeah I know I am doing it to the letter waiting the required number of days as instructed by Lexi or Goddess).
In the path that leads to ending 6B, the Goddess doesn't know that Caprice ruined you. She also doesn't say anything which indicates that she knows. I think "Caprice eyes light up at that. She won't have known that the Goddess knew." is only meant for 6A (where the Goddess does know) and you accidentally put it in 6B too.
Ah I see now, yup that is fixed. Thanks. Added the number as well - I did one half yesterday then got distracted and saved without finishing ^^;
mr-max wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2017 9:31 pm
THIS WAS BRILLIANT! Never felt so immersed since Deckers Month with Jana.
One of the best series on the site! (It helped that I liked all the models, some are my all time favourites).
Looking forward to any new tease you build! ;)
THANK YOU
I Totally agree with this comment...... I just finished the second webtease and all I can say is WOW.....never know what to expect. I got into the story big time. Probably the best series I 've done in the years I've been around.
Great Job Shattered, your series got me hooked and I am looking forward to what each "session" will bring me, even the waiting days between each of them is a tease by itself (yeah I know I am doing it to the letter waiting the required number of days as instructed by Lexi or Goddess).
-Neo
Glad you've been enjoying it, enjoy your next month or so as well then :)