Tease: Velma n Shaggy

All about the past, current and future webteases and the art of webteasing in general.
---
Post Reply
Suited
Curious Newbie
Curious Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:39 pm

Tease: Velma n Shaggy

Post by Suited »

This is my first tease so I'd appreciate feedback. Came across a gallery that looked familiar and twisted it to some role play along with other things. Kept it short as I wanted some feedback for just basic things (pace, creativity, effectivness, etc.)

Can be found here: https://milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=34970
Enigma-Kal
Curious Newbie
Curious Newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2015 8:36 am
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Straight
I am a: Switch
Dom/me(s): Hannah-Master
Sub/Slave(s): Hannah-puppy (ah, the life of a switch)

Re: Tease: Velma n Shaggy

Post by Enigma-Kal »

I've got two basic categories of criticism here: one is "this tease doesn't want me to do things I'm good at or enjoy" and the other is "you got Scooby-Doo wrong".

In the first category, it's mostly a matter of personal taste. For example, someone out there is better at frequent long edges than I am. Personally, I came too quick trying to hold the edge. :blush:

The second category is more comprehensive. First of all, Velma doesn't say "Jeepers", that's Daphne. Velma says "Jinkies". Nobody says "Creepers" when they mean they're creeped out in Scooby-Doo, the Creeper was a specific criminal from season 2 episode 4, "Jeepers, It's the Creeper".

More importantly, if they're fooling around to calm Velma down because she's scared of a criminal, the LAST thing she should do is tell Shaggy to scream out the number of times he's edged. In fact she should enforce a focus on quietness. I could half believe that at the end when she thinks she hears Fred, Daph and Scoob that she really hears the monster sneaking up on them and that they're going to wind up fitted for cement shoes!

It's a good idea for a tease, I appreciate that you put these images to good use, I just think there could have been better translation of the source material into a tease, given that it's got a theme.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 48 guests