FB: The Ultimatum
-
- Explorer
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:43 pm
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
For me, this was definitly a five-star! Opposedly to some of the other critics above, I really liked the story-based character of this webtease as it inspired my imagination, which in my opinion is an important part of a tease. For me it was also enough "stroking-action".
I have only one small critique, regarding the consistency of the story: In the closet, where he has to put on the chastity-cage by himself: first of all, without supervision, he would have been able to stroke himself to orgasm before putting the cage on, but still more importantly, after letting him out, she asks for the keys to the devise. I mean, first of all you do not need a key to close the lock on that device, only to open it, and secondly, if he had the key, i think he would have opened the cage in order to stroke, when he heard her masturbating, no matter what. So I think it would have been more logical to first lock him up, and than put him into this closet for whichever reason.
Apart from this, i consider the story perfect, and I really, really seldomly rate a tease whith 5 stars.
regards
By the way, I was talking about part 2! Part 1 was a little bit to short in deed
I have only one small critique, regarding the consistency of the story: In the closet, where he has to put on the chastity-cage by himself: first of all, without supervision, he would have been able to stroke himself to orgasm before putting the cage on, but still more importantly, after letting him out, she asks for the keys to the devise. I mean, first of all you do not need a key to close the lock on that device, only to open it, and secondly, if he had the key, i think he would have opened the cage in order to stroke, when he heard her masturbating, no matter what. So I think it would have been more logical to first lock him up, and than put him into this closet for whichever reason.
Apart from this, i consider the story perfect, and I really, really seldomly rate a tease whith 5 stars.
regards
By the way, I was talking about part 2! Part 1 was a little bit to short in deed
- Trusfrated
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:41 am
- Gender: Male
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Those are some great points, ohyesplease! Thanks for taking the time to articulate them. (And thanks for the compliments, too!) I think when you are writing a tease (or doing anything creative) sometimes you get so involved in your "work" that it can be difficult to step back and independently evaluate things from a "big picture" perspective.
As for your first point about why he doesn't just jerk off in the closet: he is feeling defeated and submissive by this time. There's a line about that before he walks into the closet. He is probably afraid of being disobedient at this point, so he's just going to do what he's told and go home as quickly as he can.
The deal with the key though, is a poor choice on my part. I think I only mentioned the key so as to let the reader know that she definitely is the one holding it. I will probably change the wording a bit around that point thanks to your suggestion. Even if he willingly puts on the cage, you're right that he would probably take it off again once he hears her. (He's not that broken! )
As for your first point about why he doesn't just jerk off in the closet: he is feeling defeated and submissive by this time. There's a line about that before he walks into the closet. He is probably afraid of being disobedient at this point, so he's just going to do what he's told and go home as quickly as he can.
The deal with the key though, is a poor choice on my part. I think I only mentioned the key so as to let the reader know that she definitely is the one holding it. I will probably change the wording a bit around that point thanks to your suggestion. Even if he willingly puts on the cage, you're right that he would probably take it off again once he hears her. (He's not that broken! )
-
- Explorer
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:49 pm
- Location: Paris, France
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Bonjour
Maybe the best Webtease ever !
Can't wait for the third part..
Thank you for your work.
F
Maybe the best Webtease ever !
Can't wait for the third part..
Thank you for your work.
F
- Trusfrated
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:41 am
- Gender: Male
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Thank you, sir!Franckparis wrote:Bonjour
Maybe the best Webtease ever !
Can't wait for the third part..
Thank you for your work.
F
It's very nice when someone who doesn't post very often is moved enough to comment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the tease.
- targitai
- Explorer
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:45 am
- Gender: Male
- Sexual Orientation: Straight
- I am a: Submissive
- Dom/me(s): YOUR NAME COULD BE HERE!
- Location: Europe
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Great tease! Fuck! I denied again! But I liked it! What the hell? It's incredible! When the third part will be done?
Likes: light pain, padlock on balls, ball slapping, shoelace, edging, teasing, kneeling, being dominated, nipple clamps (pegs), metronome, porn, boobs
OK: edge holding, light spanking,
Dislikes: pegs on genitals, hard cbt, hard pain, face slapping, pics
Turn-offs: ruined orgasm, cum eating
Limits: anal, piss, blood, puke, scat, wet & messy, permanent, public, face pics, other people, blackmail, financial domination
OK: edge holding, light spanking,
Dislikes: pegs on genitals, hard cbt, hard pain, face slapping, pics
Turn-offs: ruined orgasm, cum eating
Limits: anal, piss, blood, puke, scat, wet & messy, permanent, public, face pics, other people, blackmail, financial domination
- Trusfrated
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:41 am
- Gender: Male
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
I've updated the script slightly on three pages (actually 12, because of different available variations) to clarify and correct a bit of a logic error that ohyesplease pointed out.
Thanks again, everyone, for your support!
Thanks again, everyone, for your support!
-
- Explorer
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:49 pm
- Location: Paris, France
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Hello !
May I ask when we can hope to see the next episod ?
A suggestion :
It could be effective to be more precise : when a girl orders to edge, she should say so clearly. (It's not always like that in episod 2)
Thanks !
F
May I ask when we can hope to see the next episod ?
A suggestion :
It could be effective to be more precise : when a girl orders to edge, she should say so clearly. (It's not always like that in episod 2)
Thanks !
F
- Trusfrated
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:41 am
- Gender: Male
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Thanks for the suggestion. If I understand you correctly, I would just say that often in my story the girl does not want you to edge, but you can't help it. But either way, I will try to remember to be more clear in the future.Franckparis wrote:Hello !
May I ask when we can hope to see the next episod ?
A suggestion :
It could be effective to be more precise : when a girl orders to edge, she should say so clearly. (It's not always like that in episod 2)
As for when Part 3 will be released, I cannot say. I don't wish to release substandard work, and I am having some "writer's block" problems lately. So I've tried to stop thinking so much about it. Perhaps when I return from vacation in two weeks I will become inspired again. In fact, I have the scenes outlined. It's just that writing all the detail and instructions is sometimes not so fun as thinking about the fantasy. It's fair to accuse me of being lazy sometimes.
Does anyone else have this problem with writing teases?
1. I don't feel like writing when I'm not horny. (I should be doing more important things.)
2. When I'm horny, I'd rather look at other teases/videos and jerk off. (Instant gratification)
3. When I cum, see step 1.
Should I write while I'm locked in chastity? (I've tried this before with mixed results.)
Perhaps I'm just not disciplined enough.
When do you do your best tease-writing work?
- leetitoldu
- Explorer
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 1:16 pm
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
hey, you created very nice teases, cant wait for next episode..
- Trusfrated
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:41 am
- Gender: Male
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Well friends, finally: The Ultimatum, Part 3!
I apologize for it being a whole year since Part 2, but I'm sure you all know how life goes. Unfortunately, several members who so positively encouraged me (either here or in PM) don't seem to be active visitors anymore. I really wish they could have had the opportunity to try Part 3.
If you haven't played through the first two parts recently I encourage you to do so, as Part 3 picks up right after the events in Part 2. (Of course it will still be very enjoyable without, it's just that there are some details of the story that you may have forgotten.)
Once again I have created both Nyx (Flash Tease) and TeaseMe (offline HD) versions, and each has sound effects and an optional metronome. (Links are also in the first post of this thread.) This one has a couple surprises also, that I'd prefer not to spoil at this time. I hope whichever version you use, that it works out well for you.
Please, as always, let me know of any bugs, typos, or other mistakes you might possibly encounter. Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome.
Happy teasing!
Flash: http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=29834
TeaseMe: https://mega.co.nz/#!RUxjyKwb!eTCJymjUl ... nVaNNKV9dA
I apologize for it being a whole year since Part 2, but I'm sure you all know how life goes. Unfortunately, several members who so positively encouraged me (either here or in PM) don't seem to be active visitors anymore. I really wish they could have had the opportunity to try Part 3.
If you haven't played through the first two parts recently I encourage you to do so, as Part 3 picks up right after the events in Part 2. (Of course it will still be very enjoyable without, it's just that there are some details of the story that you may have forgotten.)
Once again I have created both Nyx (Flash Tease) and TeaseMe (offline HD) versions, and each has sound effects and an optional metronome. (Links are also in the first post of this thread.) This one has a couple surprises also, that I'd prefer not to spoil at this time. I hope whichever version you use, that it works out well for you.
Please, as always, let me know of any bugs, typos, or other mistakes you might possibly encounter. Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome.
Happy teasing!
Flash: http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showf ... p?id=29834
TeaseMe: https://mega.co.nz/#!RUxjyKwb!eTCJymjUl ... nVaNNKV9dA
Last edited by Trusfrated on Tue May 26, 2015 1:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Vow!! :) The second part was one of the best teases! :) Cant wait to try this! Thank you!
- leetitoldu
- Explorer
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 1:16 pm
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
damn, im back just in time for next part, lucky me
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Mmm today come's more? I remember this hot story...
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
After finishing the part 3 and the Cuckold by Email, I can't wait to see what will happen in part 4. lol, the husband was pissed off so bad by his wife, I want to see how author makes the response for the husband. Anyway, thanks for great tease!
- Trusfrated
- Explorer At Heart
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:41 am
- Gender: Male
Re: FB: The Ultimatum
Thanks very much for the kind feedback. I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
I can assure you, the husband is going quite mad!GDboy126 wrote:After finishing the part 3 and the Cuckold by Email, I can't wait to see what will happen in part 4. lol, the husband was pissed off so bad by his wife, I want to see how author makes the response for the husband. Anyway, thanks for great tease!
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 56 guests