The Evolution of Desire

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zenlover
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The Evolution of Desire

Post by zenlover »

I had no idea that such a thing could actually occur. Had I known it might, I likely would have been too afraid to even play in the ways that would potentially lead me to where I now am.

Over the years, as I began to give myself more permission to explore my sexuality, I had been continuously surprised at what showed up. At what I was willing to do in that exploration. At how much more open minded I had become.

I’m a typical alpha-male stereotype. Sensitive and caring, to be sure, but hard driven, hardworking and very competent in my various domains of responsibility, which were many. My day to day life had evolved with my success such that I was primarily in a decider role. I had delegated as much decision making to my people as they were willing and capable to handle (and sometimes more than that as I helped them find how capable they were). But in the end, my life was one of high responsibility, commitment to the welfare of those who worked with and around me, and one of “final decision maker”
I longed to give up control from time to time. To have another take it all from me. But this was not to be. I was at the top of my field.

But in a moment of stress reduction masturbation a few years earlier, as I surfed the web for visual stimulation, I ran across imagery of powerful looking, dominance exuding women. And I liked what I saw. I imagined giving myself to such a woman. And I hardened. My cock to the imagery, my mind to the idea that I would have this experience in the real world – not just in fantasy – someday.

I began to explore online. Some things I found were a turn-off. Violence, abuse, fake assertions of confidence dressed up as dominance but merely a wrapping on insecurity. Abusive fakery held no attraction for me. I was interested in women who truly knew the power of erotic hold on men.

These women existed. And I gradually been able to find them.

Some were professionals, and I paid a few so that I might understand. Some were curious players themselves but lived too far away. Others left me with a sense that I might be harmed via their indiscrete disclosure over time.
It was all exploration, and I was keen for every aspect of this knowing, successful and not so.
Chaturbate.com was a surprise I could not have predicted.

Initially, I ran across it while reading a thread at Milovana.com, a webtease community at which I was a longtime member. I had a profile there as “zenlover” and had even published two webteases. I regularly read the forum. I had met the owner and we had dinner together in London once. I helped him with the site as a beta-tester and moderator when I could. He was committed to keeping it free and user generated forever. I liked his erotic altruism.

A forum title grabbed my eye one day. “Cam2Cam” sites was the string, and evaluation of the various offerings was the purpose. Chaturbate was broadly seen in a positive light, so I checked it out. I was able to watch for free, after creating a profile as zenlover, and even chat with those broadcasting, but a credit card was required for “full membership” and I could not do that without my wife finding out. So I watched. Initially.

Women. Couples. Transsexuals. Men. Decidedly heterosexual, my interest initially was in the women and couples. One of the couples I ran across were two incredibly fit women and I found their caresses, bodies and moans very arousing. I lingered, watched and stroked myself. Except that they were not both women.

As they moved in their play I realized that one was in possession of a very beautiful cock, small by most standards, cut and rigid above a fully shaved set of balls and below the smoking hot body of a small breasted woman. I lusted in fascination. I stroked. I came. I wanted more.

And I can say beautiful cock now.

I had been finding some pleasure via “guided masturbation” videos, essentially similar to Milovana.com but without the longer arousal, intricate plot lines and extended tease and delay edging that made the ultimate orgasm so incredibly intense when playing on milovana.

And then I ran across a “shemale guided masturbation” clip. I watched. I submitted to her instructions exactly. It was intense.
My desire to be with powerful, assertive, self-confident women did not diminish. The pool of possibilities had simply expanded. Men still held no interest. But fit, feminine women with cocks were a surprising turn-on. Sensually dominant ones even more so. I began to fantasize about being with a seductive, sensual, smallish-penis transsexual, and began to follow a few on chaturbate, getting an e-mail when they were online. Melody Lane had become a favorite on Chaturbate. Little did I know how a fantasy can lead to… things happening.

As I continued my general exploration of my submissive nature, I decided to broadcast myself on chaturbate. I had seen others doing this, with the camera positioned so that their face was not visible. I did my first broadcast from a hotel room as I was on the road. I wore a blue silky button down shirt and some light colored briefs that firmly cupped my balls and cock and that I felt especially sexy in. Soon after I clicked broadcast, people were in the room chatting with me. Mostly men, but s couple of women. (Or at least that’s what their profile said.)

The guys were predictably destination oriented. “Show me your cock.” “Bend over and spread your ass for me.” Were typically fist lines. No seduction. No sensuality. No care for me.

One woman in particular was interested in knowing more. Asked questions. Wanted to know my kinks. She went by “KinkyKate21”. And since she could hear and see me, I needed only respond out loud to her chat inquiries. And it was obvious as she asked more intimate, kinky questions that my cock was hardening inside of those light colored ball-cupping briefs. She was Turning me on and she could see it, as could everyone else. Other voices began to fall silent as she took control of the room, just with her presence.

“It turns you on to be answering my more and more intimate questions, doesn’t it boy?” She said. The tone of her writing immediately cued her dominant style, and my immediate submission.

“Yes, Mistress… may I call you mistress?” I responded over cam to her, but overheard by all who were listening.

“Good boy - you understand.” she said. “I think I’m going to have you put on a show for us tonight. Are you willing to submit to my instructions? Doing only and completely as I require?”

“Yes, Mistress, I responded, with some fear and much hope.

“Good toy,” she responded, “unbutton that shirt”

She gradually seduced me, forced me to stroke on cam - repeatedly edging myself close to cumming but not allowing me to do so. Playing with my balls and ass with my hands and fingers. All of the time interrogating me about my kinky desires, especially about my submissiveness and my newfound attraction to small bodied shemales. The watcher group gradually expanded to over 50 people as this continued. Eventually, she led me to an intense orgasm.

When I ended, I found that I now had more than 20 “followers” on Chaturbate. KinkyKate21 was one of them. Over the next 6 months or so, I broadcasted numerous times more, checking the boxes that allowed women, coupes and transsexuals to view my broadcast. If things were slow, allowing men in as well. I found that although I clearly preferred women, some men were very seductive, detailed and dominant guides as well. And they loved using my toys on me. Perhaps more than the women. Cock rings, anal toys, prostate massagers. The most intense sessions gradually drew me into subspace and almost always had me submissively fucking my ass in front of everyone watching as I came. And more and more were watching.

I had a following of over 120 people now.

I had just logged on from my hotel in Chicago. Some of those who entered the room were familiar sounding, some new. Some men, a few women and a couple or two. I wondered if someone might take control tonight, and if they did, what might happen.
“Looks like you are in a hotel room” one couple posted soon after I started. The room was filling faster than normal, and I was not sure who all was there watching without chatting

“Yes, in Chicago” I responded

“Long time since I saw you last” was the next post, from KinkyKate21. I immediately remembered her. And was very excited.
“Fantastic to see you KinkyKate!” I responded, and my obvious increase in tumescence under my briefs punctuated the statement with a firm exclamation mark.

“PM Me.” was her next post

I opened a private chat and sent her “Here I am”

“Yes you are,” she replied “where exactly?”

“At the Marriott on Michigan” I responded, “Why”

“I’m in Chicago. Do you want to take this to the next level” she asked?

My mouth went dry. My pulse quickened, my hands began to sweat. But my cock pointed the direction to yes.
“I do, mistress.” I replied, unsure of her full intention, but sliding into subspace so easily in her presence.
“Good.” She replied. “Are you free tomorrow evening?”

I was, and with nothing but a late morning flight the day after, and I told her so.

“Excellent,” she typed. “We will meet for drinks at your hotel tomorrow night at 8:00. I will be wearing a black dress. You’ll give me your e-mail now and I will send you a photo of me. I may bring a friend. Are you willing?”

“I am” I said, knowing that if I freaked out, the bar was a safe place to back out.

“Good. Don’t be afraid. You’ll be pleased with my plan” she purred. Be clean. Everywhere. Shave those balls that you’ve played with for me in the past. You’ll be my toy for the night, and we’re both going to enjoy it, trust me. You’ll be rewarded.”
“Yes Mistress” was all I could think to type.

“Now sign out of here. You may not cum tonight” she commanded.

Yes Mistress I said out loud and complied immediately.

What had I just gotten myself into? I was immediately glad that I had relatively simple meetings the next day, as I knew I’d be distracted.

I slept surprisingly well, and had a pretty basic work day. I ate a light dinner about 6:00 and took a long shower. I’d purchased a bulb enema at the local Duane Reade and shaved myself super smooth, trimming my pubic mound short as well. It was hard not to stroke myself as I hardened with every imaginable fantasy, still clueless about what was really going to happen.

I got to the bar at 7:50, and ordered a seltzer & lime. I wanted to have my wits about me. She, and a girlfriend walked in at 8:05. I was not surprised and figured she was being safe to bring a friend. The little black dress, as promised, fit her slim, fit frame like smooth bark on a tree, her friend, no less beautiful in a just-above the knee yellow low-cut sleeveless sun dress revealing firm, smooth breasts. The idea of two women was a turn on, but I was making no assumptions. I stood and they walked over.

“I’m Kate” she said, “This is Stephanie”

Feigning confidence I did not feel, I shook both their hands and offered them a seat as the waitress immediately came over to get drink orders. Upon her departure, Kate immediately leaned in and took control. “Stephanie is also a sub, and she’s mine. Do you like what you see?”

“Yes, very much so.” I replied to both, smiling warmly at Stephanie as I did so.

Both woman were much younger than me, in their early 30’s I’d guess. That time of life when almost all well-adjusted, good looking women come into their confident sexual power. I was amazed to even be with them and said so as complimentarily as I could, the sense of submissive privilege carrying clearly in my tone of voice.

“I like more mature, fit men such as yourself,” Kate shared, “Less…instruction… needed” she finished seductively. “You know what? Pay for the drinks. We’re finished here. Up to your room we go.”

The waitress was just showing up with them, so I told her we were suddenly called out by a client, and to please put the drinks on my room. I gave her $10 with a thanks and apology, along with my room number.

We went to the elevator and Stephanie punched in the floor number, obviously overhearing it as I shared it with the waitress. A fleeting thought “am I going to be robbed” went through my mind, but my gut said I was safe. And my little brain was starting to take the lead as I became more and more enthralled with Kate’s powerful, erotic presence.

We road up essentially in silence except for some meaningless small talk, me attempting to empty my mind of expectation and open my mind to serving Kate as she desired.

I keyed us into the room, opening the door for Kate to enter. Stephanie and I followed.

“Undress him” she commanded Kate, who immediately began to do so. Removing my shirt and t-shirt fist.

“Stop” Kate spoke softly, suck his nipples” and Stephanie immediately did. It was wonderful.

“Now continue” Kate instructed, but tell me first, is he getting hard? Stephanie brushed her soft right hand across my cock and whispered longingly, “Yes Mistress”

Kate watching to the side, Stephanie continued to slowly undressed me as I stood there, occasionally caressing me sensually as she continued to unwrap me.

“I want you see you suck him, on your knees.” Kate guided, not meanly, and in a voice that clearly indicated she was enjoying herself.

Stephanie began doing so, with a sensitivity to my anatomy that very few women I’d ever been with possessed. It was sensually exquisite, slow, wet, soft and intense. She could keep me on the edge for hours this way, I knew it.

This went on for a few intense moments with Kate asking me to describe what I was feeling, in detail. “She knows cock, doesn’t she?” asserted Kate. “Yes, Mistress, she does.” I replied through the soft moans of both Stephanie and I.

“Good. Come to me. Both of you. Now.” Stephanie stood, and together we walked the two steps to Kate who took both of our faces and brought us to a kiss with each other. Stephanie was all tongue and passionately wanting. I responded in kind, enjoying both the intensity of the kiss and being controlled in this way by Kate. She joined us in a wet three way kiss, grabbing both of us between the legs, stroking my cock sensually, fondling Stephanie sensually through her yellow dress.

I was incredibly turned on. Like never before.

“Undress me Stephanie” breathed Kate, in a way that made it clear she had given this command many times before.
“Step back and Kneel” I was instructed “and stroke for me.”

Doing as instructed, I felt the hard smoothness of my cock, stroking lightly. My hand felt as good on my cock as my cock did to my hand. Firm, incredibly tight, veins popping, head purple and incredibly sensitive.

“Good boy. Do you want me?” I was asked. “Yes in every way Mistress” I breathed through my moans.

As Stephanie unzipped and dropped Kate's dress to the floor, Kate stepped out of it, revealing a naked, incredibly fit and smoothly shaven body atop barely-there 6 inch heels.

“I know you want me, but you will earn it. Crawl to me.” She calmly stated. I did so on hands and knees. She reached down and lifted me by my chin until I was kneeling directly in front of her, eyes even with her beautiful pussy. She slid a single finger slowly between her legs and through her folds and brought it out, glistening in front of me.

“Your obedience, and Stephanie’s have made me wet. Taste me.” And she slid her moistened finger between my lips. I felt the smooth slickness and sucked. I moaned at both the wonder of her taste and of her absolute confident power.

“Do you want more?”

“Yes, please mistress.” I begged

“Stephanie come here.” Kate instructed and placed Stephanie between us, back to me as they began kissing. I was absolutely enthralled and deep in subspace. My mind was eroticized mush. Mistress slowly lifted Stephanie’s sundress as I kneeled behind her, exposing an incredibly firm and beautiful ass, thong underwear snaking between her perfect cheeks.

“Kiss my slut’s ass, boy. Pleasure her with your lips and tongue. Please her for me.” I did so with absolute erotic abandon, closing my eyes to concentrate better on the sensual intentions I was directing toward Stephanie and experiencing in return as I listened to her moans and the kissing sounds of the two of them together. I deeply wanted to please them both in any way they wished.

Kate gradually removed the dress as I continued to lick and suck those two firm cheeks. I felt the pleasure Stephanie was experiencing with my servitude, and grew harder yet at feeling that pleasure in an energetic circle of intensity. I wanted to taste her. Every inch of her. I wanted Kate to command it, but would do nothing unless directed and everything I was.
Mistress Kate removed Stephanie’s bra and let it drop to the floor, pinching her nipples - I assumed by the sudden short breath I heard escape and a moment of tension I felt course through her body through the sensitivity of my lips.

“Remove her panties, boy” I was directed and did so as gently and sensually as I could, loving the way the thin strap of the panties slid out to reveal her beautiful ass even more to me.

Kate took Stephanie’s hair in her hand then and bent her down to suckle her breasts, and the bending over revealed to me what I had been wondering about, and perhaps secretly hoping for, a beautiful rosebud of an asshole, yes, but just in front of it a smoothly shaven set of balls. “Lick that asshole, boy. Earn your opportunity for release.” And I did. It was no chore, and Kate immediately knew that from the moans I was making and fostering in Stephanie.

“Ohh, good boy, I see you like that,” Purred Kate “Let’s see what else you like.” And she seductively spun Stephanie around to present her stiff, cut cock to my wanting mouth. “Please her as she pleased you” guided Kate, and I did. Giving into the realization of my fantasy with complete abandon. Sucking and pleasing her cock as only one who has a cock could. Slowly sensually moistly worshiping its hardness and texture. Feeling the firm/soft wonder of it on my lips and tongue. Taking it deeply in my mouth to feel it sliding in and out over my lips. Reveling in the submissive intensity of it all while looking up at Kate playing with Stephanie’s firm breasts and erect nipples. I was in heaven. We all were.

I could tell that Kate was absolutely enjoying her control of us, but was not ready for Stephanie to cum yet. “My turn” she said as she helped lift me by the hand and toward the king bed, Stephanie guided by the other hand.

She lay back on the bed, both of us standing at its foot. “Lick me boy” she admonished as she spread her legs. I immediately responded “Thank you mistress.” and bent over the edge of the bead to place my tongue and lips on her pussy, bringing every sensitivity in my possession to tuning into her body with a tantra-like intention to please. I was lost in her, and her body was responding. Unsure if she was orgasming or just at the edge of pleasure, I kept up the gentle, varied stimulation that seemed to maximize her pleasure and her appreciative moans of encouragement.

“Stroke him from behind, Stephanie, and prepare to take him.” Kate directed, and oh I so wanted that. I heard a condom being opened and felt lube on my ass as I continued to lick and please Kate, her fingers running through my hair. “You’re a good toy, boy and you will get your reward now. Stephanie will take you slowly and sensually, as she has many before you. You may have him Slut” and I felt a finger gently slide in me as my cock was caressed gently with another lubed hand. I relaxed onto her as she slid a finger deeper in me, touching that place on my prostate that brings pleasure like nothing else. I pushed back on her finger, wanting more, wanting her cock in me.

“He wants it Mistress, he wants it like the slut he is” purred Stephanie as she removed her finger and gently, slowly began probing my ass with her wonderful cock. I took it, not without difficulty, but the pain passed quickly and she moved very slowly, all the time gently stroking me, keeping me hard.

Gradually she began to thrust and I began to lose control, lapping madly at Mistress Kate’s cunt, feeling Stephanie’s hand on my cock and balls, feeling Kate pull my face more and more firmly into her wetness, experiencing the intensity of a real cock sliding in and out of my ass, banging my prostate with every thrust. I began a high pitched squeal at the intensity of it all as Kate encouraged Stephanie to fuck and stroke me harder and pulled my face even more into her. She began a loud moaning climax as did Stephanie at the same time, each of us with our girlish squeal of intense release. I felt the pulsing of Kate’s orgasm at the same time as a firm thrust and the pulsing of Stephanie’s cock in me. Waves of orgasm followed by post-orgasmic shudders passed through me as we all three collapsed in a sensual spent and sweaty tangle on the bed, catching our breath.

“And when are you in Chicago again” moaned Kate? Triggering all three of us to laugh together in the delight of what we’d just helped each other experience.
KINKY FACT: I'm more of a tease and delay guy than tease & deny... prolong pleasure, but don't deny it! I submit to others on cam shows once a week or so. Contact me to be notified.
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elvisomar
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Re: The Evolution of Desire

Post by elvisomar »

Thank you zenlover, this was an incredibly arousing story. It's gotten me all revved up and very hard. Whew. I'd love to read more from you.
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