FB: Delta Force

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FATALES
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FB: Delta Force

Post by FATALES »

Write your observations.

Duration: circa 1h
100 and more pages.
11 girl models.
Last edited by FATALES on Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
FATALES
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Re: FB: Delta Force

Post by FATALES »

HATERS. :unsure:
kerkersklave
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Re: FB: Delta Force

Post by kerkersklave »

I've looked at your tease.
I think it has great potential, I like adventure-like teases a lot.
The reason, you are getting such bad ratings is, that it has a lot of problems:
- the major problem for me is that there are a lot of long waits for no reason with nothing to do. That is just boring. Waiting for three minutes in a "forest" with nothing happening and no task? Keep the story flowing.
- the English is sometimes really bad. I know it might be difficult for you, but it has to be comprehensible at least
- The tease has the potential to be a real adventure, but there are no choices at all, it is just "click buttons and wait". Add some choices, make the reader feel he can make mistakes. Even if the story is linear in the end, there has to be some interaction to make something like this exciting.
- The tease does not seem polished. You probably had a great idea, but that is only part of the work. You also have to make the tease work. Enough stroking, get the timings right, make sure the story telling is not too confusing etc.

Also, for many people it is important to see a lot of nice girls fast enough. :-D I do not really care about that. You can get a decent rating with a tease that is demanding on the reader or even frustrating, even if it takes some time to get to the sexy girls or there aren't that many at all. But you have to reduce the useless waiting and improve the overall quality of the tease and make it more interactive and exciting.

I like the idea of such a mission a lot, but you really have to find a way to replicate the feeling a little bit of playing such a game.
FATALES
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Re: FB: Delta Force

Post by FATALES »

kerkersklave wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:36 pm I've looked at your tease.
I think it has great potential, I like adventure-like teases a lot.
The reason, you are getting such bad ratings is, that it has a lot of problems:
- the major problem for me is that there are a lot of long waits for no reason with nothing to do. That is just boring. Waiting for three minutes in a "forest" with nothing happening and no task? Keep the story flowing.
- the English is sometimes really bad. I know it might be difficult for you, but it has to be comprehensible at least
- The tease has the potential to be a real adventure, but there are no choices at all, it is just "click buttons and wait". Add some choices, make the reader feel he can make mistakes. Even if the story is linear in the end, there has to be some interaction to make something like this exciting.
- The tease does not seem polished. You probably had a great idea, but that is only part of the work. You also have to make the tease work. Enough stroking, get the timings right, make sure the story telling is not too confusing etc.

Also, for many people it is important to see a lot of nice girls fast enough. :-D I do not really care about that. You can get a decent rating with a tease that is demanding on the reader or even frustrating, even if it takes some time to get to the sexy girls or there aren't that many at all. But you have to reduce the useless waiting and improve the overall quality of the tease and make it more interactive and exciting.

I like the idea of such a mission a lot, but you really have to find a way to replicate the feeling a little bit of playing such a game.
Thank you for your feedback.

There was a misunderstanding. This tease not about sitting at home and waiting 3 min. This is roleplay and outdoor. You really have to be in the woods and walk in the woods. ( Will you be standing in one place for an hour? )
My english is bad. Im Slovak I use translator.
I originally intended to add gps but unnecessarily complicated.
So it can be processed The Mystical Realm of Myrewood Isle or collecting girls something like Pokemon GO.
kerkersklave
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Re: FB: Delta Force

Post by kerkersklave »

Ah, yes, I forgot to comment on that.
That does not really make it better.
What should I do, run through a forest and take my cock out from time to time?
That does not really make the tease any better, but it reduces your audience drastically, probably to zero.
Doing tasks outside even in a forest is quite risky unless you are living in a very sparsely populated area.
I have done tasks like that, but even I would not just go out in the forest and do some random tease, you have to convince me first, that the tease is really worth it, and you have to give me an idea what I will have to do there.
Doing a couple of tasks there is ok, running through a forest for one hour stroking from time to time, no, I won't do that. It also does not feel very exciting to me.

Using a translator is really problematic. I don't judge you, learning foreign languages is hard. But if the text does not flow, there is a point, where I just do not enjoy a tease anymore.
Maybe you can find someone that does some proofreading and correcting for you.
timoth31
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Re: FB: Delta Force

Post by timoth31 »

As Kerkerslave said, with forcing people to go in forest you really reduce your audience.
You should at the start of the tease let the person choose between forest or staying home, and then develop both ways. At home you could do to start the tease 10 push ups > 50 strokes > 10 abs > 50 strokes etc as a preparation for you mission. Then put objectives, like crawl and get your gun. When enemies are nearby let the person choose between running away and hiding. If he runs away you let two choices one that succes the other one fail and get caught. If enemies catch you, you'll edge and end up denied, if you succes running away you continue your mission with some stroking from time to time. When hidden you will stroke, but at one moment there will be a a two choice case again both including edge, one where you edge and move on the other where they saw you and ruin.

So here were some ideas
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