General Health Warning

[thatsprettyhot]

Yes. If there was a "General health warning" on the New York Times, it should be good grounds for debate about the necessarity of such a warning.

I've now read arguments mentioning just being worried about warnings for no reason (on a sexual exploration website, why?) and invalidating personal opinions (to what purpose?). Who are you overreacting to protect, yourself maybe? I thought healthy individuals could handle both encouragement and discouragement just fine. I thought we humans are a combination of psychophysical things that are shaped by the things we inherit biologically and the things we experience => therefore, what on earth might licence one individual to rule that an experience of a certain kind wouldn't be able to affect a certain person.

How about just letting people speak their minds without prejudice and judgement. If you have nothing worthwhile to add, why post at all. Why don't I quote: "personally believing", "being scared of", "disliking", "not appreciating" and "being startled by aggresive responses" (to a straightforward attack towards OP) about a post is no basis to negate or seek medical answers to a question that was never asked to begin with. That would be like me saying "I loved this tease <3" and someone responding "On what base you state to love that, you must be insane?".

I know, overaggro about someone giving cautions based on a misguided feeling of superiority, added with hastily thrown accusations and interpretations without any merit are the real reason of this prolonged discussion, and I also know, I'll always be there to say the last word if necessary, so it might as well stop here. As for any real fruitful debate, there would have to be respect amongst the partakers (which I lost from the very second post onwards), so to what purpose should we keep going, I ask ye?

[GodDragon]

Yes. If there was a "General health warning" on the New York Times, it should be good grounds for debate about the necessarity of such a warning.

I've now read arguments mentioning just being worried about warnings for no reason (on a sexual exploration website, why?) and invalidating personal opinions (to what purpose?). Who are you overreacting to protect, yourself maybe? I thought healthy individuals could handle both encouragement and discouragement just fine. I thought we humans are a combination of psychophysical things that are shaped by the things we inherit biologically and the things we experience => therefore, what on earth might licence one individual to rule that an experience of a certain kind wouldn't be able to affect a certain person.

How about just letting people speak their minds without prejudice and judgement. If you have nothing worthwhile to add, why post at all. Why don't I quote: "personally believing", "being scared of", "disliking", "not appreciating" and "being startled by aggresive responses" (to a straightforward attack towards OP) about a post is no basis to negate or seek medical answers to a question that was never asked to begin with. That would be like me saying "I loved this tease <3" and someone responding "On what base you state to love that, you must be insane?".

I know, overaggro about someone giving cautions based on a misguided feeling of superiority, added with hastily thrown accusations and interpretations without any merit are the real reason of this prolonged discussion, and I also know, I'll always be there to say the last word if necessary, so it might as well stop here. As for any real fruitful debate, there would have to be respect amongst the partakers (which I lost from the very second post onwards), so to what purpose should we keep going, I ask ye?

You are taking this way too far. I never wanted to attack anyone. I just have a different opinion on the title. I don't get why you are making this a personal thing with losing respect. I also never tried to give a medical explanation. I just said he should talk to his girl friend because maybe a loving relationship with his gf can eliminate these negative side effects if they do aftercare etc. I just tried to suggest something that could improve his experience. Furthermore I am unable to find those quotes on the previous page.
I am not trying to defend myself, just trying to explain my reason for disliking the topic name. I think this discussion is not leading to anything so I am gonna quit right here. However I still don't quite understand why you are overreacting this much and calling us out.
Wish you a nice day

[polkadotwolf]

...

That was a thoughtful reply. I also know of a dom/sub relationship that turned to full abuse (male master female sub in this case). Moderation in all things. Recognize when your 'hobbies' have become unhealthy. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

[kerkersklave]

Yes. If there was a "General health warning" on the New York Times, it should be good grounds for debate about the necessarity of such a warning.

Oh, you are the guy that decides where debate is allowed.
Good to know, I will ask you next time.

I've now read arguments mentioning just being worried about warnings for no reason

You are again stating your opinion as fact.
The have been enough reasons mentioned.
You are ignoring them because you have a different opinion.
That is just a shitty move.

(on a sexual exploration website, why?)

Because it is a website where people come to learn about those topics.
They do not go to the new york times.

Who are you overreacting to protect, yourself maybe?

No one is overreacting but you... Noone but you called opinions of others bullshit.

I thought healthy individuals could handle both encouragement and discouragement just fine.

I think so as well. So why do you want to stop people from saying what they think?

herefore, what on earth might licence one individual to rule that an experience of a certain kind wouldn't be able to affect a certain person.

I think this license is called freedom of speech.

If you have nothing worthwhile to add, why post at all.

Good question, why did you post?

To a straightforward attack towards OP

What the fuck are you taking about?
I voiced a disagreement with a certain line of reasoning.
That is not an attack.

know, overaggro about someone giving cautions based on a misguided feeling of superiority, added with hastily thrown accusations and interpretations without any merit are the real reason of this prolonged discussion, and I also know, I'll always be there to say the last word if necessary, so it might as well stop here. As for any real fruitful debate, there would have to be respect amongst the partakers (which I lost from the very second post onwards), so to what purpose should we keep going, I ask ye?

Yes it is abundantly clear that you do not have respect for others, are not interested in debate and are completely full of your self.
Thank you for stating this so eloquently.

[thatsprettyhot]

Omg is this guy for real?

- negates the experiences of OP
- gets freedom of speech mixed up with his own judgementality issues and wannabe behaviorist practices
- is of course wrong in his claims
- then turns all of that around towards someone defending those personal opinions, to state they can be totally valid without being a defunct person

Is there any way you could get things more twisted? How about sticking to issues you actually know something about, and not blurt your simply wrong reasonings (based on how you feel) and then just keep twisting and twisting everyone's intentions for the sake of feeling better about your arguing skills.

Of course it goes without saying that true asshats exist everywhere, thanks for comfirming yourself as one, kerkerslave! Now, have a nice life!

[kerkersklave]

And a "go fuck yourself" to you as well.
Seems the level of communication you prefer.
There really are many reasonable people in this community, you are not one of them.

[Amon]

OP here, just got caught up on the whole thread.

Thanks to you all for reading and engaging with what I had to say.

To address the title I will agree that it is an exaggeration but the intention of it is essentially clickbait as I want people to actually read the post. My hope was their response would be based on the post's actual content and tone, not just the attention grabbing title (which at least seemed to work). It's a shame that a bunch of the discussion/argument came down to only the title.

I would love to address each poster's points individually but who has the time these days! Almost obviously I am largely in agreement with posters like thatsprettyhot, polkadotwolf and onlytropics but fully appreciate the input of kerkerslave and goddragon on the other side. It's good to chat about this as there are few forums where these 'fringe interests' can be discussed.

So in response to the general arguments I saw in the thread: I posted this simply as a note/advice/cautionary tale for those following the teases who are 'just experimenting' and are 'certain that in RL they are themselves and that this will NEVER change in any way) (eg ryuteka in this thread) to check in with this idea once in a while and make sure that IS still the case and your RL hasn't changed.

As we get older especially in relatively early life when discovering kink etc many things in our 'real lives' do change, especially over the ~10 years I'm talking about so it can be quite difficult to notice a slow change in outlook or what caused it and can easily be put down to just 'growing up'. (this is just my opinion and I am not trying to claim any kind of 'medical fact' - that should go without saying but this is the internet). So I wanted to toss it out there to those starting out and those that have been enjoying these fetishes for years to take a look at things if you are feeling down and maybe experiment with taking a break from this if you then even SUSPECT it may be a factor.

I have no idea if this site was the only thing causing me to feel crappy but I know that how I've felt after taking a break has been a very positive change.

This was never an attack on any fetish whatsoever and if you are healthy and happy mentally and physically in your life and your 'hobbies' then this warning isn't for you today but I felt that way, that it affected me in no way outside of the time spent in front of a tease, for YEARS. So for you guys I encourage you to still check in once in a while. I'm sure many of you already do this.

So then for those of you new to the site/kink/etc I just want to encourage that 'check in' and that 'break' as if I'd even considered this 'hobby' was the or just a cause of any of my unhappy or negative thoughts then I could have taken this break a couple of years back and perhaps found that, at least for me, it has been a significant factor.

Def never intended to put 'newbies' off experimenting and I hope that they read the full post at the top and even took my tease author recommendations (those guys are the rockstars of milovana imo).

Wow - that was a lot longer than I planned! Love you all for reading and I do hope this has helped or been useful to someone, now or in the future!

[jackstock]

You have multiple selves and they all like to express themselves at some point. That's what the healthiest, most successful people do. Let them all run wild

[CuteAndLovelyYetHorny]

I side with the guys on your side OP too...
Being into gentle femdom and a hardcore determinist, that's no surprise^^ and that's one of a crazy long-ass message because this is the occasion to put on paper what I've had countless hours of thinknig about^^

Kinks and positions on the D/s scale don't come out of nowhere, they reflect the gendered and sexual norms you are not fitting into in a given society, and then things like your culture, your background, your genes and mostly how politically progressive you are will determine how much you indulge in them, how much you are ashamed or proud of them, how many you develop etc... but then over this you can have mental troubles, and anyway you are alienated by a way or another in the place and society you live with, and have coping methods relatively to that, and your kinks and fantasies can also be closely tied to it.

So it's normal that your kinks are directly linked to your mental health, it's all interconnected. Your kinks are your core, your deepest intimacy society isn't ready yet to hear about. They are a response to capitalist and patriarcal alienation whether what's your sex, orientation, and where you fit on the gender and D/s spectrums, and they can be what saves you from everything or what buries you the deepest.
Why would humiliation and degradation would be so hegemonic otherwise? Why SPH given the clit is up there accessible to every size then? Why even online findom?

Gentle femdom and role reversal, my favorite reddit communities are born some 3 years ago, and grew exponentially because of what OP's post is about; go on reddit threads looking for doms and you'll see tons of guys (and some MtF trans) in their 20's stating outright they (are virgin and) look for a gentle domme, or mommy domme. This is precisely an answer to the OP post: this form of ultra-degrading authoritarian femdom has stopped being meaningful for my generation of unfitting guys and girls, many guys stated they came here because femdom portrayed in porn and sessions was too brutal for them, many have anxiety issues, some depression, 90% are introverted nerds and the 10 remaining %s are manly and/or black switch guys (tired to be expected to be the dominant one in every single casual and not even kinky relationships they have).
The gentle dommes also are introverted nerds, some read only yaoi before because it was the only place where the sub (uke) was an innocent cute little thing, most watch animes and draw stuff. For our generation that is deconstructing all gender norms, advocating queer ideologies, intersectional feminism etc... that stopped making sense that almost all femdom was about "beta losers not being man enough".

This form of classic degrading femdom isn't less respectable than "mine", but it was hegemonic, only the pet play subculture included kindness, nurture, cuddles etc... many men reading/watching/living/hearing everyday that they are worthless pieces of trash can start to believe it, lose self confidence, become cringy as hell, fail to interest any domme but findommes and predators, who make the vicious circle worse (not generalyzing on all findommes, the majority only; and findommes are a product of the same capitalist alienation anyway, praying on the most insecure men from patriarcal alienation).

It's easy to say "if you are insecure, then don't indulge in humiliating femdom". From a determinist pov, I say "it's happening anyway, so don't lie to yourself about it". I mean I'm writing stories of virgin innocent "adorkable" cuties with a nurturing domme girlfriend that are happy when they get cuddled in their lovely little cage, especially if their blue balls hurt like hell; so even a somewhat activist determinist materialist feminist leftist like me doesn't pass over it like a superior nietzschean self-god; all I do is hijacking what's "not virile" to "cute/innocent" instead of "shameful", it would be lying to say I don't have that little feeling of slight shame and ridiculousness when about to press "submit" on literotica, no matter how I write my stuff without a hint of shame.

[Shattered]

It's easy to say "if you are insecure, then don't indulge in humiliating femdom". From a determinist pov, I say "it's happening anyway, so don't lie to yourself about it".

This little bit tickles my fancy. I believe the world is deterministic, but our thoughts play a role in that determinism - if allow determinism to sway you to say that you have no control thats directly a part of the end result, not just conceding to it.

[CuteAndLovelyYetHorny]

I meant it at a sociological scale. Like "Instead of making a moral objection about what to do if you are reasonable, consider what you criticize will happen anyway to many people (not everyone, maybe not you) so think of how to solve the problem from this point instead. (I won't dive into straight-up structuralist analysis and critics of internal thinking here, but this is this logic that legitimates to put the blame on the victim).

But on a more theoretical side, to answer your brain tickle (no cumming allowed here lol), a total determinist is supposed to be a theoretical fatalist, but it's okay because your brain (neither the best quantum computer ever) cannot process the sum of causality of everything at every place in every time at every materialistic scale (aka not the quantum scale) of the universe. Dunno how this position is called but it's likely a philosophical or neuroscientific current already existing^^.

-------------------------

[My 2022 me: lol this thread was like the deepest conversation ever happening on this site, until there I still agree, what followed is too cringe despite the part of truth, I deleted it... ahhh, my 2019 weirdass way to comprehend reality, trying so hard from my weird autistic lenses, leading to some probably unreadable boring messages from outside my headspace. Basically I took paragraphs to explain painstakingly how the level of materialism/progressism in your worldview would impact your ability to enjoy kinks that challenges the way you're supposed to build yourself as a man in an hetero-mono-vanilla-patriarcal social norm; same as it is for any subculture and opposition to traditional ways of being.

Oh and so, what I describe and defend is called "compatibilist determinism", basically Spinozism (determinism allows/enables/is compatible with liberty, because of different emergent scales of perceptions allowing "true-illusions" of freedom), it's the condition that enables existentialism, for the little postmodern egg that I was at that time.

Hope if you came by here years after the original post, you enjoyed your condensed philosophy class inbetween your edges of the day^^]

[thatsprettyhot]

After giving it some thought and having a while to calm down, I apologise for being rather rude and at times somewhat unconstructive in this convo. Even though we might not always agree on everything, there's always room for being more civil, and where else should one start, if not from their own behaviour. Not in the best interest of the community either to let things get too heated up.

[GodDragon]

After giving it some thought and having a while to calm down, I apologise for being rather rude and at times somewhat unconstructive in this convo. Even though we might not always agree on everything, there's always room for being more civil, and where else should one start, if not from their own behaviour. Not in the best interest of the community either to let things get too heated up.

We all got heated up and I accept your apology. I am happy that we all can life peacefully together even though we don't agree on everything