Tales of the banned

[shawnstuh133]

I only asked them to do it that one time.

[Tashi]

So not only did you change your story halfway through your post, you also changed your story from previously in this thread that you repeatedly claimed you never did anything dangerous *at all*.
So, forgive me if I say I don't believe you.
Actually, scratch that, don't forgive me. I don't give a flying fuckstain if you do or not.

Secondly, that is a shitty excuse even if it *is* true.
"I only tried to rape that girl the one time"

You still did it, you still lied about it. How many more things are we going to find out if we keep pressing you with exact specific details?

You keep harping about wanting a second chance, and yet you've done nothing to warrent it. In fact, you've gone out of your way to give examples of *why* you shouldn't be given any more chances at all.

[Unique]

Just saying that i had 3 times an discussion with you about such things, shawn, as i was really worried about the task you were giving out.

[shawnstuh133]

Tashi the past is the past can't we forget about it and just move on? I haven't changed my story at all. Also, i didn't rape anyone.

[Magikk]

Tashi the past is the past can't we forget about it and just move on? I haven't changed my story at all. Also, i didn't rape anyone.

Says the guy who wont stop and has now hijacked TWO threads that were NOT about you in the first place as you continue to blame the guy who DIDNT ban you.

LET. IT. GO.

[Dream_On]

Magikk actually wanted to give you another chance shawn, but given the number of chances that had already been given I didn't feel it would change anything. And sure enough as magikk and I were discussing this you started trying to bully him.

I'm sorry i never had anyone tie their balls up for hours. Also i never started or instigated one argument. Also you don't know my life outside of this. I believe that was just that one time i did that. I admit i shouldn't have asked him to do it, but that is in the past. I'm willing to get a fresh chance.

That looks a lot like changing your story to me. I'm just saying.

[blueman]

Just for the sake of continuity, I'm going to use a quote tag, because at one point, I was another member on here, and I happen to like the name:

This entire thread has so much negativity attached to it, that there is literally no hope of anything remotely good coming from it. People are throwing around hurtful words like so much feces, and I find myself disappointed that the caliber of the people involved seems to be called into question.
That said - what's this whole thing really about? Shawnstuh133 seems to have been engaging with people in chat, in a way that apparently wasn't palatable to certain persons. I hope that the persons that were taking offense were the people actually being spoken to by said offender, and not just bystanders. Now, here's the rub. Milovana is/was a site for exploration. Not just exploration that someone agrees with - but all exploration, so long as it doesn't fall into the category of illegal, as I understand it. But what people seem to lose track of is that there is such a thing as suspension of reality. What does this mean? It means that in an online environment such as this, reality gets tweaked a bit. Don't believe it? Most of the teases are written by men, for men, from the perspective of a female. There are members on the site that reference one gender, and are another. There are those that enjoy fantasies that I personally find distasteful, but hey - that's what it's about. A website such as this has absolutely *zero* repercussions in reality - with one caveat. If a person decides to take what they find here, and implement it in reality, who is the guilty party? The person suggesting the action, or the one taking it? Playing devils advocate here for a moment (and so far, the only person to do so is Shell) - maybe shawnstuh133 is new to this? Maybe he's exploring, stretching his wings, trying to find his center - whatever you want to call it. Nobody is perfect, and nobody ever gets it right the first few times. A fetish oriented chatroom sure seems like a good place to try out some anonymous roleplay though.
Now, I've seen mention that several people made an attempt to clue him in, prior to the banning. To those folks, my hats' off to you. At least an attempt was made. I had, in my tenure on Milo, been forced to ban a few folks. And most of them hurt my feelings - I never enjoyed it. I felt like it was a defeat, each and every time. Why? Because most people are reasonable - *if* you find the right way to address the situation. Some folks didn't get it - never would, and were banned accordingly. Some actively wanted to be banned, and were pushing to get it. But when I see posts like this, where a person is repeatedly trying to explain their position, and is being shouted down by the "regulars", I'm reminded of an episode of CSI, and something that Gil Grissom said. It was in an early episode, a passenger was killed on an airline. At the end of the episode, we find that the guy that was murdered was out of his mind, due to encephalitis. Gil pointed out that it took an entire airline to kill a guy - it only would have taken one to save his life.
Finally - a personal appeal to everyone actively posting on this thread - please - stop with the insults and attacks. Take the high road. Make an attempt to find common ground. Be the better people I remember so many of you to be. But quit acting like a bunch of schoolyard bullies that found a new kid to pick on. It demeans everyone. Seraph0x and I had a conversation once about what Team members should be. And when I chose the core members of the Chat Mods, I hope I passed it on. "The Team exists to keep the site afloat. They aren't there to keep the peace. They aren't enforcers. The overriding goal of the site was always to be a safe haven for everybody who wanted to explore their sexuality. But you have to have a thick skin. You have to rise above the conflicts, and sometimes - let them happen. This was a major failing on my part - I let someone get to me, whom I shouldn't have. I urge those of you with an active responsibility to the site - do better.

[Laura]

I have to say Shell, I am thrilled to have just read your post. I was going to avoid posting all together a post that had an extremely similar opinion to yours, as this topic seems to be dragged out for the simple pleasure of people loving the drama. This battle has been double sided, with neither side right nor wrong. Thanks for making sense of the whole situation from all angles and avoiding a post that drips with drama, as so many seem to.

[Miss Shell]

I have to say Shell, I am thrilled to have just read your post. I was going to avoid posting all together a post that had an extremely similar opinion to yours, as this topic seems to be dragged out for the simple pleasure of people loving the drama. This battle has been double sided, with neither side right nor wrong. Thanks for making sense of the whole situation from all angles and avoiding a post that drips with drama, as so many seem to.

Laura, thank you....you will never know what your words did for me today. *hugs*

[shawnstuh133]

Ok why are you all using their words against me. Also when is the last time i asked someone to do a "dangerous" task? hmmm? Also, thanks to the people who are posting things that aren't attacks towards me. That is wonderful. :)

[dr.d]

I am going to make one last post here , I have been thinking about what has been posted and Shell is right , we don't know what has happened or is happening in shawn's life , for all we know he was asking the subs to do what has been done to him


so for what its worth , I am sorry about any posts that attacked you

[Dream_On]

I can not dismiss trying to get subs to do certain things because those things were given to you to do in the past. Especially after others brought up safety concerns and trying to tell subs to disregard those safety concerns and continue onward. At some point a person has to accept responsibility for their own actions.

[CruelNatalie]

ok I admit that I did not read every single post in this thread....

But I will say this...

I fucking love it here. I could go to so many sites and forums but I always come here because I have found nothing but great people. The guys have always been really respectful and intelligent. I don't have a lot of time, I admit to post often but I really enjoy reading the post.

My thing is control and the femdom dynamic. I don't have to share the exact interest as everyone here BUT I do enjoy the exchange. I think the exchange here is wonderful and I've never encountered any kind of bulling at all.

My two cents.

[blueman]

I can not dismiss trying to get subs to do certain things because those things were given to you to do in the past. Especially after others brought up safety concerns and trying to tell subs to disregard those safety concerns and continue onward. At some point a person has to accept responsibility for their own actions.

I wholeheartedly agree with you - but why on the one hand do you insist that suggesting certain things is wrong (personally, I don't condone this either ...) and then on the other, not give the people being given the tasks, the responsibility of saying "no"? If you're going to make a person responsible on one side, doesn't it make sense to make the people on the other responsible for their own safety and actions as well?

A basic tenet of BDSM has always been "safe, sane, and consensual". Were the suggestions safe? Probably not. Were they sane - well, this could be argued that on a site where suspension of reality is an accepted tenet, perhaps they were, under the guise of "fantasy only". Consensual - now, for me, this is huge. Did he force anyone to do anything against their will? He has no power to blackmail or otherwise threaten someone to do anything. The most he *might* be able to do is verbally coerce them - but there again, if the person receiving the suggestions/tasks to do has accepted the inherent responsibility in participating in a public forum (or even a private one) - they have accepted certain responsibilities - namely, their own well-being.

All that being said - you folks are the mods, you can do as you like - but personally, I'd opt on the side of negotiation (if possible), with the "offender" to see if an agreement can be reached, so that he be allowed back to chat, if he agrees to tone down the behavior. In any case, I would almost bet that if everybody takes a step back and quit bashing each other and calmly discuss the relevant issues, a resolution could be found.

[Dream_On]

The people being given the tasks should be saying no. They are by no means without responsibility. Both parties are responsible for ensuring what is done is safe. The other party was the one that did not want to do the task. The bigger problem here is what happened when safety issues were brought up. He berated the person who brought up the safety issue and privately told the sub to disregard the safety issue and push forward.

There was a long list of complaints of similar behavior. This was a person who came into chat and would immediately go after someone. A couple of the mods and several other members of the community tried talking with him respectfully about his behavior. This would lead to him becoming belligerent with whomever was trying to talk with him and anyone else that tried to help.

I don't find any joy in banning people. I do not ban people for shits and giggles. Sometimes banning people is necessary. In this case it was necessary to keep chat a safe haven for people to explore their sexuality and other topics. I am not going to allow one person intent on causing problems to drive everyone else away.